Going Green

Bela has a need for green. Not the kind you and I usually refer to, but a more natural kind, that which covers dirt like a lush carpet.

From inside, she looks longingly out the window onto the yard. When walking, I alternate between  pleading with her to pass that well-groomed lawn and promising her that there's a place for her right around the corner. Traveling by car appears to be torturous for her, because of all the green that gets bypassed. Each time she sees a field, her eyes bug out of her head, her tail starts to wag -- her excitement is palpable. She knows how her feet can trample it, her body can fly above it, her limbs can roll amongst it. And then we pass it.

I temper her with a park trip every day. The 'park' however, can mean many things. It is most certainly not a Chicago Park District Dog Park, the gated off gravel areas where packs of up to 40 dogs gather to chase each other and fight. These both entice and terrify me. There are so many cuties in there at any given time, it can really blow your mind. But there are also usually 1 or 2 real meanies, and then a slew of other non-remarkable canines. Bela goes in these joints, and then turns around and heads back for the gate out. If I make her stay in there for a bit, in hopes that she'll find a friend, one of these three things actually happens 1) She molests all of the humans in the area 2) She takes an unclaimed ball and then tries to kick some dog's ass when he or she attempts to take it from her 3) She stands by me, peering into my eyes, as to ask, 'Why, mom, why?' So I don't bother anymore. (Before Bela was in my life, I would go into these dog parks all the time, just to watch the show. Now that I have a dog, I no longer enter. The damned irony.)

We hang out in the non-dog sections of parks, school playgrounds, and sometimes merely more than a small patch of grass. What this means is that pretty much wherever we play is illegal. If you know me well, you know that I am terrified of doing anything 'wrong'. I am sooo scared of being 'bad'...yet, every day, in an effort to excercise the B, I engage in illegal activities.

Depending on the area we're in, I spend half of the time playing with her and half of the time on the lookout for cops. While she stands in front of me, anticipating the throw, I attempt to hide the ball deep in my hands, for fear that the man over there is actually an undercover cop, whose job is not to bust drug rings, but to penalize girls playing with their dogs in parks. I have actually gone so far as to go undercover a bit, myself. If I go to a certain park more than once in a week, I will make sure to wear a different coat and/or head gear. That way, if a cop is patrolling the place, he will not have me down as a repeat offender.

A couple of months ago, my moment of truth came. I was at a park we played in weekly during the winter. It was almost always barren of other life forms, and perfect for our purposes. But the sun had come out that day, and children were out to play. I walked past the sectioned-off dog park area, past the playground, and went into a far-off corner, where we wouldn't bother anyone. About 10 minutes went by. Then, not only did a cop car drive by, but it stopped. Then a cop exited. Then the cop CAME UP TO ME. I swear, my cheeks were inflamed and my legs were shaking. I had feared this moment for so long. He asks if I know that I am not allowed to be here. "No", I lied. (My insides turned to mush. Not to mention this was the Sabbath Day! And here I was, blatantly lying!) Then, he asked, "Have you ever been here before?" "No", I lied, AGAIN! "Well, you can't be in this section of the park with a dog off leash. We were given a call by the parents in the playground. And, technically, I am supposed to fine you - $500 - but since you didn't know, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Please leash your dog now. You can go to the dog section over there." "Wait! What? Where? There's a special dog section???" LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR "Yes, ma'am." "Oh. Okay. Thank you so much, officer."

Then - in a non-verbal attempt to LIE YET AGAIN...I walked like a blind man without a stick across the park, looking/searching/seeking the dog park area. I feigned confusion, acting like I didn't know where it was -- for such a long time that I fear I nearly gave myself away.

My guilt stayed with me long after leaving. In this re-telling, I find it still remains. I don't necessarily think I should have told him the truth, as it would have only solidified my defiance and resulted in a hefty fine, but I'm not completely at peace with my behavior.

We're coming up on two years, however, of illegal grass-grazing with no financial consequence. She has benefited immensely. And at this rate, even if I were to end up spending a grand every 4 years, it would be worth it.